Waves of Grief: Honoring the Light of Lives Lost

Written by: Juliana Cotza

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Grief washes over us in unpredictable waves. It is an enduring pain that never fully fades, but instead serves as a painful testament to the deep, unconditional love we will always carry with us for those who are no longer here. 

The covid pandemic reshaped our world in countless ways, but it intensified loss in a way I could have never imagined. For many, including myself, it meant being forced to say an improper goodbye to someone you loved so wholly. During this time I found myself attending more “covid” funerals than regular ones, each an extremely painful reminder of the sheer inability to celebrate and honor a life we cherished. 

My uncle Claudio was the brightest light. His smile was infectious, his laugh was contagious, and he would truly illuminate up every room he walked into. He was my God Father and one of the most important people in my life, though I didn’t always get to see him as often as I would’ve liked to. 

Despite my quiet nature and tendency to retreat in large family gatherings - something other family members may have interpreted as rude or bratty - I knew I was always safe, accepted, and understood in my uncle Claudio’s arms. Despite our family dynamic where the spotlight often shone on my older sister, the first born granddaughter and niece, I knew I was extremely special to him, which mattered the most to me. 

I will never forget the Facetime call we shared the day he passed. The image of him unconscious and surrounded by a maze of tubes and wires will be forever etched into my memory. I knew it was bad; he had many underlying conditions. But I could have never imagined that this call would be our last goodbye. I clung to the hope that he would return home to us, a hope that still feels surreal four years later.

His funeral remains one of the most unforgettable days of my life. Coming from a large, passionate, and very Italian family, disagreements are often common. It was moving to see us all gather together, solely to honor him and the profound impact he made on our family. That day, differences were set aside as we gathered in a packed church, a testament to the many lives he touched.

It was also the first time in my life that I’ve seen my dad, the textbook definition of the word "stoic", completely and utterly break down. I will never forget the sound of his cries, desperately willing his brother to just wake up. I miss my uncle for me, but I miss him even more for my dad. They were more than brothers, they were the bestest of friends. There is no one that connected with my father like his brother, and seeing them together was truly magic. 

There aren’t words to describe how tough that day was. But standing in that crowded church, surrounded by family, friends, and community members, I felt a bittersweet warmth. The overflowing pews were a powerful reminder of the impact my uncle had on so many lives. His light shone brightly not just in my life, but in the hearts of everyone who knew him. 

I was only 16 years old when we lost him. Now at 20, I feel the weight of the time stolen - the small moments, like our family barbecues, the celebrations, like my high school graduation and final dance recital, and quality time, like the most amazing hugs he gave. Every missed family barbecue, every phone call, and every warm embrace serves as a reminder of his absence. A reminder that he was taken from me, my family, and the world too soon. 

Grief is a journey we all must navigate at some point in our lives, and it deserves to be spoken about openly. Its intensity may ebb and flow, but it remains a powerful reflection of the love we hold and the indelible mark those we’ve lost leave on our lives.

Coping with grief is a deeply personal journey, but here are some strategies that have helped me, and may help you navigate these ongoing emotions:

• Allow Yourself to Feel: Understand that grief is a natural response to loss. Permit yourself to experience a range of emotions without judgment.

• Seek Support: Reach out to friends, family, or support groups who can offer empathy and understanding. Sometimes sharing your feelings can ease the burden.

• Consider Professional Help: If you find that your grief is overwhelming, talking to a therapist or counselor can provide guidance and coping strategies tailored to your needs.

• Practice Self-Care: Engage in activities that nurture your well-being. This can include exercise, a balanced diet, sufficient sleep, or hobbies that bring you comfort.

• Create a Personal Tribute: Honoring the memory of your loved one through rituals, writing, art, or memorials can be a therapeutic way to celebrate their life and process your feelings.

• Be Patient with Yourself: Healing is not linear. Allow yourself time to adjust, recognizing that setbacks and fluctuations in your emotions are part of the journey.

• Express Your Emotions Creatively: Whether through journaling, music, or art, finding a creative outlet can help you channel your emotions and document your journey.

  
  

Remember, there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Every step you take is a testament to the love you continue to hold.